I attended a Seminar on Family Therapy by Dr. Fred Toke, PsyD (Lee Community College, Singapore), participants mostly Counselors, Psychotherapist, Lecturers and others in the same related feel. It is quite interesting, as there are also a sharing experiences by a young lady who had gone divorce process. To her, she sees her experience as a ‘I am free’ and there are also amongst the participants that i sense, not quite agreed with her. We can’t be judgmental on a person, we don’t know what they been through.
“Till death do us part…” a promise given by two individuals in a marriage matrimony. There are no perfect marriage, understanding and trust are based in a good marriage. Sometimes, a marriage can be in trouble but yet there are always solution in making sure there are no broken promises. No ideal marriages that we can relate to but we can create our own ideal marriages between the couples.
We can’t be judgmental in anyone’s marriage, some look as they are not happy but they are happy with each other its just they don’t show it. Some looks like a marriage made in heaven yet its breaking inside. No matter which one yours belong to, nobody should judge you because nobody can help you. God will guide you if you asked and if both spouses work together to mend the relationship.
When we senses our marriage in trouble, the first think couple usually react is to tell others rather than talking to the spouse. The problem is that men seems don’t really cares or listened because they don’t reply much but women tend to talk too much as they forgot to listen. If there are problems, communication is the best way to search for the cause and effect.
Some family keep problems within their family, depending of what problems and how they handle their problems. There are many problems in each family, to have a family meeting is a good way of communication and let children share their opinion.
Problems such as financial, study, relationships are normal in family..but there are no rooms for abuses in family.
“Emotional abuse is any nonphysical behavior or attitude that controls, intimidates, subjugates, demeans, punishes or isolates another person by using degradation, humiliation or fear” (www.focusonthefamily.com).
There are two kind of abuses, emotional and physical. Physical abuse is when someone hurts or injured you on purpose leaving scars and bruises. It is easier for a wife and those surround to recognize that she’s being abused.
Emotional abuse, however, is much more insidious and not quite as visible. Certainly, a wife’s self-esteem and spirit are battered along with her body in the case of physical and verbal abuse, but a husband can kill his wife’s spirit without even raising a hand or voice against her. For this reason, many women don’t even know they’re being abused, or if they do it’s a long and difficult battle not only to work to repair the damage done themselves, but to get the abuser to recognize the harm that he’s done.
“Nonphysical behavior or attitude” can safely be interpreted to mean neglect, invalidating another’s thoughts and feelings, and refusing to acknowledge the needs of the other (whether intentionally or not). Over a period of time, this kind of emotional climate in a marriage can squeeze the life out of a marriage and out of a wife. (EmpowHER)
There are always helps… nobody deserve to be treated such way…and its not your fault .. you are the victim. Same goes to the predator, help are needed to threat such behavior. Search for the root of cause, we are all born ‘white’ these spots of sin need to be cleared before we die. Save your souls!
Family is a journey … Husband is the pilot and wife is the co-pilot. Both set goals and vision for their family.. somehow pilot get tired, co-pilot need to take charge without going over the pilot tittle. The children are the crew of the ship.. to make the journey smooth sailing.. everybody needs to work together. It needs more than love, hope, patience.. family needs God. Family that prays together, stays together.
This is only my personal opinion, i can be wrong because i am not perfect myself and i do learn from others, also from my husband and children. We are human, we makes mistakes, i don’t see its wrong when your spouse or kids come to you asking for forgiveness and you help them through.
This six ethics of life is interesting to keep in mind.. and as reference to us, in our family. May God bless all family in the world.. guide us, protect us and gives us wisdom.