My parents just celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary last Saturday, 29 July 2017. While we, the family members preparing for the event, i myself busy preparing my mild autism asperger teen, in making sure he know what is going on and how to react on every situation.
After the celebration last Saturday, i should say its a success. I am happy the celebration has over but i am celebrating the achievement made by my son.
It bugs me when people tell me ‘biar saja‘ or ‘its okay, just let him be’. Maybe for work for other parents but not me, I don’t want my son to get too excited or too nervous which will lead to meltdown which will later regret and embarrassed him.
Autism especially asperger are no different from other typical kids, they too have feelings and dignity. They only need assistance and guidance in whatever they do.
Let me share what we did before the event last Saturday, probably this will help especially those with special needs child.
You will need at least 1 or two weeks to prepare especially if it’s a big event. Let him know what is the occasion about. When is it going to be held, how long and who are going to be there. Be specific and details as you can.
Most special needs has sensory problems so its good to prepare them using VAK (Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic) technique to get them fully understand.
Make it visual, as for my son i just tell him when and he will marked it on the calendar. I informed my son that there will be music and it might be loud sometimes. I also informed him that he can join any dance if he feels comfortable with, also reminded him that its okay if people look at him or laugh as it does not mean it meant for him.
You can show your child a picture of their cousins or a wedding picture with crowds just to give them ideas.
Look into their eyes when you speak in making sure your child know your child know you talking to her/him and it is important to listen. Your tone of voice and facial expression are important in sending them the message. You may need to be strict yet gentle at the same time.
Each day i reminded him about the event and keep on saying ‘I know you can do it’ and ‘remember to relax‘.
I let him know all his cousins and other people will be there and possibility of weather, noise etc. I told my son ..‘the venue might be long, weather might be warm, there will be music and it might be loud…but whatever it is you must relax’.
This is the fun part. We had a role-play of whats going to happened, for example how to interact with people. We did a role-play on how to react when someone come to him and how to introduce himself to others.
WHAT CAN AND CANNOT DO
I keep a reminder on what he can and cannot do. Some simple rules such as..if he is tired..uncomfortable he need to inform me or other family members..this to prevent meltdown. Shouting.. or any unnecessary action are prohibited in public..he may need to relax.
Remember they learn by rules and they will understand more if we keep on reminding..and it may become good habit.
ON THE BIG DAY
What happened on the big day was a success. My son introduced himself and was not ashamed. The moment there were music..he was dancing and when he hears his cousin sang he actually told me he wanted to sing..probably next time as he don’t really know what song to sing either. But he dance to every music beats..I was with him only at the first songs to make sure he feels comfortable..the rest is history.
I have been using essential oil for a year now and for those having sensory problems..such scents does helps but this does not heal autism. I believe certain essential oils such as vertiver and peace & calming does helps but make sure to apply at time there are ready and in a relax mood. Never apply essential oils when they are moody or having a meltdown.
THE GOOD AND BAD NEWS
Yes you just read our achievements ..isnt it good news? it takes 50% of all hardwork, commitment for the early preparations. 20% of the reminder, standby and commitment on that day, 10% of the essential oils scents that helps him keep calm and 20% of his own commitment, focus and self esteem. Bravo my son! We can do it..you can too.😊
Be remided that autism are just full of surprises..today i might succeed but tomorrow with many things that can triggers and things that of our control i might lose the battle.
Thats how it goes..just keep on sharing to others about autism and we will never feel alone and those with autism will feel accepted.
Always be ready with plans. If plan A does not work out..there will always other plans but never gives up.
Thanks for reading!
P/S – This is a sharing from my personal point of view as a mother and may not be right from the medical perspective. Every child with autism are different from each other..my tips may not work for others but there are no harm trying.
I was looking through www.musiciansfriend.com website to get information and updates on new music instrument, while listening to music, it was ‘Happy’ by Pharrel Williams. The music bring me back to the cinema, imagining the big screen, smelling and eating popcorn, i hear laughter and sees my family with me, really makes my day. Wow! music is really powerful, it anchor our emotions and feelings…it bring us back to the important memories that we keep in our mind.
Let me remind or refresh you how happy Gru was in Depicable Me 2 when he falls in love and was on ‘cloud nine’. He was indeed so happy, excited and so deeply in love.
But can we really be happy instantly by listening to music or songs? There are possibility but there are few steps you need to take before you can be happy.
Depending on what mood you are in right now. As human, we tend to listen to music or songs that are related to our emotions, for example, you are having a relationship problems and you are in a confusion state of mind, i bet listening to ‘happy’ makes you more sad and angry.
ACCEPT AND RESPECT YOUR FEELINGS
Don’t tell to my face.. ‘relax’ or ‘don’t get angry’ when i am angry. Leave me alone, let me digest this feeling.. why am i angry and what trigger this emotions. Being angry is not a sin, its part of our feelings but its important to learn to control your anger. Don’t forget to breath deeply and do not log in into any social media as you will tend to express your anger in public.
BE LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT
Be like this smart and intelligent young lady, Taylor Swift. Write down your feelings, for her not only she feels better but she makes money out of it. She produce great song from bad experiences..well, most artist does.
EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS
I don’t keep grudge that’s why if someone really pissed me off .. i get to the person ask what happened until i satisfied with the reason then i slowly … slowly .. forgive but will not forget, because a lesson should not be forgotten. Once you feel calm and relax, you can ask or share your feelings with the person or someone else who can help you go through the situation.
Please make sure you sharing to the right person and communicate face to face or by calling. Avoid using text, this will create miscommunication. Sharing to the wrong or busybody friends will get you into trouble, you don’t want any story or text become a viral sensation…do you?
BACK ON TRACK
You can choose to stay angry or shift to different mood. You can tell the world how sad your life is, how pathetic or sucks your life is or change!
Be emotional intelligent, you know what you capable of, how strong you are and how great you are.
BE YOURSELF! BE HAPPY
Don’t compare yourself with other people. Be yourself and be happy! Yes ..no doubt we all have haters but there are people who loves and admire us. Forget haters, they hates you because they actually wanted to be like you and that’s for sure.
LISTEN TO GREAT MUSIC
When you feel sad, don’t listen to much of romantic sad songs or heavy metal that lead you head banging. There is nothing wrong with what music you want to listen as long as it helps heals your pain and calm your mind.. go for it! I still recommend #pharrelwilliams #happy song.
There is another song that really can makes your ego grow a little wild and gives your confident a boost if you are a woman. I assure you, when you listen to this song, you will feel like walking in front of the jerks and just walk.. Thank you Tom Jones for this awesome sexy song.
I hope you enjoy reading my simple tips and personal opinion. Have a great weekend!
Shirley a.k.a beautiza
According to Additute magazine, art therapy is a process of drawing and painting that helps to improve the wellbeing of children. It is explained that through art, children can express themselves, which helps to address emotional and behavioral problem, as well as stress.
I was reading HerWorld, issue Oct 2014 and i came across an interesting topic regarding Arts for children. Ms. Leong Min See, a creative arts therapist and trainer, shares four ways parents scan help their children through art.
As much as my children loves arts, Ms. Leong suggestions on the art activities open my mind more. This is what we can do for different needs.
Parents can design an arts activity to enhance the child’s learning abilities in reading, writing and concentration. For example, ask the child to draw the family or a park, and then write a few sentences or a composition related to it.
Parents can design an arts activity to enhance the child’s emotional intelligence (EQ), including managing different emotions and problem solving. For example, ask the child to use a paper plate to make masks with different emotions, e.g. wear the angry mask, talk about angry feelings and how to cope with it.
Parents can design an arts activity to enhance the child’s communication, interpersonal and empathic skills. For example, parents can use picture books to talk about friendship. Then, ask the child to draw out what happens in different situations, e.g. draw a scene of what you can do if your friend asks you to do something that will annoy you. After that, role play with the child. This will teach the child how to cope with bullying.
Parents can design an arts activity to allow the child to express herself fully. For example, let the child draw or color whatever comes to her mind. You could also ask her to close her eyes and scribble, then open them, look at the scribble, add lines, circles and whatever shapes she likes, and make it into a drawing. then, talk about the drawing. The child can also use play dough to make art work and talk about it.
My kids loves arts and i love it when they do arts but i don’t really like the mess after the art finish. I might need to gives rules on cleaning after art. Meanwhile i will follow the tips given .. i can’t wait to start. I hope you enjoy your art time with your children.