Last Friday i had the opportunity to have a walk and did our shopping at Tamu Donggongon, this tamu (local street market) which open only on Thursday and Friday every week.
My favourite spot will be right in the middle of the tamu ground where I can get find some local handicraft. The place where you can get traditional accessories, beads, locally made brass bangles and traditional costumes.
As i was looking and thinking what to buy, there was another girl who was busy looking for different patterns and design of bracelets. Soon after, we were both searching, discussing on design we saw. As i mentioned to her i need to get something not too trendy and . While we were busy looking at the design “itu design tidak penting, yang penting ngam dalam hati..be yourself!” (the design is not important, what important is its suits you) the young man who own the booth came interrupting our conversation. “Mana boleh cakap tua, mesti mau positif bah”(you have to be positive and cannot say old) he continued.
I did not expect that advice came from a young man but I am thankful for the simple reminder. I bought two piece of brass bangles which according to him will help improve our health, easing the pain of arthritis, improve the condition and appearance of skin.
With the advice he gave, now these bangles are more meaningful and magical, because whenever i wear these bangles, i will remember his advice and feeling there is a highest potential in me.
Sometimes we get simple reminder and advice by anyone and sometimes stranger. It happened at any place and any time but be open to it, sometimes it can be harsh but sincere.
Be thankful for it, advice, critics, these are all words that can either builds us up or break us down. Be smart!
I have been trying to write but what happened is instead of writing I only stares at the computer not knowing what to write and i even try to jot it down on paper..still nothing happened.
Probably I have too many things in my mind and having hard time to put it into words, it happened to me whenever I had worries. I almost had anxiety attacked recently and may now have something to share.
I was physical and mentally exhausted, there were moments where I feel numb and my brain had ‘shut down’…all i see is darkness. This situations has been a series of what I’ve been through when my kids were younger. Surrounded by feeling ‘unwanted’ ‘unloved’ and not appreciated, it was devastating.
Taking NLP Certification in 2010 gives me light in my darkness. There are many techniques in NLP that helps me faced the challenges. Being a certified NLP Practitioner does not mean I have magic.
I am a full time working mom, part time student and I am a woman, we think, feel and see things different from men. Anxiety is just part of me, it can triggered anytime but I am able to control it much better now.
What’s Your Story?
Sometimes we react to certain situations and we keep repeating what we heard or what we see in our head. You beginning to make up the whole story in your mind. Your story are based on your perceptions and belief.
We look at the world on our point of view and tend to get hurt even by thinking of those stories in our head. Little things, such as how people treat us or things don’t go as plan can be upsetting.
Before doing anything else, we need to acknowledge our feelings and accept what’s happening cannot be change.
Take control of your mind
In order to take control of your life is to take full control of your mind.
How so? Everything affected our emotions happened from how we think.. what we see in our mind..our own TV screen.
Here how you can let go, stage by stage or any worry stories you may be telling yourself.
Think about a situation you have been stressing and /or worrying about and begin to notice what you’ve been telling yourself about the situation.
Remember and look back at the situation as clear as you can. See what you see, hear what you hear and feel what you feel at that moment as if i its really happening.
Now once you into that ‘moment’ you need to acknowledge that you need to change the story.
Imagine you are looking at the whole situation as a ‘movie’. Now allow yourself to change the colour or situation as pleasant as you want. You may even filter it, make it blur or ‘vanished’ from your mind. Now you can ‘create’ a new story and free from the old story that makes you stress, worry or angry. This will help you looking at different picture in your mind, it’s like creating a new movie or editing a video you created for a long time.
You may now tell yourself, the ‘old story’ has no longer affected your emotions or your life. You are now FREE from the past and you may want to write down new story or visual a new story of hope and new possibility.
There are few NLP techniques, what i just shared is just a basic and not a proper NLP technique but probably the easiest way to try without even learning NLP. But if you really need to know how NLP works, please do drop me an email.
Thank you for reading..have an awesome day!😍
My parents just celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary last Saturday, 29 July 2017. While we, the family members preparing for the event, i myself busy preparing my mild autism asperger teen, in making sure he know what is going on and how to react on every situation.
After the celebration last Saturday, i should say its a success. I am happy the celebration has over but i am celebrating the achievement made by my son.
It bugs me when people tell me ‘biar saja‘ or ‘its okay, just let him be’. Maybe for work for other parents but not me, I don’t want my son to get too excited or too nervous which will lead to meltdown which will later regret and embarrassed him.
Autism especially asperger are no different from other typical kids, they too have feelings and dignity. They only need assistance and guidance in whatever they do.
Let me share what we did before the event last Saturday, probably this will help especially those with special needs child.
You will need at least 1 or two weeks to prepare especially if it’s a big event. Let him know what is the occasion about. When is it going to be held, how long and who are going to be there. Be specific and details as you can.
Most special needs has sensory problems so its good to prepare them using VAK (Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic) technique to get them fully understand.
Make it visual, as for my son i just tell him when and he will marked it on the calendar. I informed my son that there will be music and it might be loud sometimes. I also informed him that he can join any dance if he feels comfortable with, also reminded him that its okay if people look at him or laugh as it does not mean it meant for him.
You can show your child a picture of their cousins or a wedding picture with crowds just to give them ideas.
Look into their eyes when you speak in making sure your child know your child know you talking to her/him and it is important to listen. Your tone of voice and facial expression are important in sending them the message. You may need to be strict yet gentle at the same time.
Each day i reminded him about the event and keep on saying ‘I know you can do it’ and ‘remember to relax‘.
I let him know all his cousins and other people will be there and possibility of weather, noise etc. I told my son ..‘the venue might be long, weather might be warm, there will be music and it might be loud…but whatever it is you must relax’.
This is the fun part. We had a role-play of whats going to happened, for example how to interact with people. We did a role-play on how to react when someone come to him and how to introduce himself to others.
WHAT CAN AND CANNOT DO
I keep a reminder on what he can and cannot do. Some simple rules such as..if he is tired..uncomfortable he need to inform me or other family members..this to prevent meltdown. Shouting.. or any unnecessary action are prohibited in public..he may need to relax.
Remember they learn by rules and they will understand more if we keep on reminding..and it may become good habit.
ON THE BIG DAY
What happened on the big day was a success. My son introduced himself and was not ashamed. The moment there were music..he was dancing and when he hears his cousin sang he actually told me he wanted to sing..probably next time as he don’t really know what song to sing either. But he dance to every music beats..I was with him only at the first songs to make sure he feels comfortable..the rest is history.
I have been using essential oil for a year now and for those having sensory problems..such scents does helps but this does not heal autism. I believe certain essential oils such as vertiver and peace & calming does helps but make sure to apply at time there are ready and in a relax mood. Never apply essential oils when they are moody or having a meltdown.
THE GOOD AND BAD NEWS
Yes you just read our achievements ..isnt it good news? it takes 50% of all hardwork, commitment for the early preparations. 20% of the reminder, standby and commitment on that day, 10% of the essential oils scents that helps him keep calm and 20% of his own commitment, focus and self esteem. Bravo my son! We can do it..you can too.😊
Be remided that autism are just full of surprises..today i might succeed but tomorrow with many things that can triggers and things that of our control i might lose the battle.
Thats how it goes..just keep on sharing to others about autism and we will never feel alone and those with autism will feel accepted.
Always be ready with plans. If plan A does not work out..there will always other plans but never gives up.
Thanks for reading!
P/S – This is a sharing from my personal point of view as a mother and may not be right from the medical perspective. Every child with autism are different from each other..my tips may not work for others but there are no harm trying.