There are many things we experience even within a year. I learnt few valuable lesson..throughout the years. As we were taught to be kind, love and caring towards one another, there are times we need to becareful for not being too kind. I believe I have been too nice sometimes and when I show Im upset or angry, seems people makes a fuss about it. The thing is I am human and I dont really have a reputation to keep.
#Dont get too involved
Sometimes we feel the need to help friends and letting ourselves to be ‘the middleman’ in any project. If the proposal not done by you..don’t be involved! especially when two parties are you friends..let them deal and settle. Stay out of the way. If they kill each another maybe you may call as a witness but at least you survive.
#Dont be too concerned
You may see or observe something that may help your friend in his/her business. You may want to tell him/her on what you think but before you want to say anything, may I suggest ‘not to say anything’ at all..unless this friend of yours ask for suggestion or opinion. Do not show your concern because it does not sound as a concern to your friend but more as a ‘kepoh’ or trying to criticize him or her.
#Dont be too friendly
Not many people understand you. Different people act differently on friendship. To me having male or female friends are equally important because I look for quality of a person.
People may judge us in different way, read and perceive on how we act upon them. The problem is we tend to judge and perceive people wrong most of the time. We may try to be nice but looks like we wanted something from them.
#Start being nice to yourself
With all these happening, I feel its time to just stop being too nice to other people and start to be nice to myself. I need to forgive myself, letting my anger free and be thankful for the experiences i gone through.
#Keep it simple
Life demands so many things from us and we somehow want to be part of society so we act or want to be like them. We buy things that are not necessary and forgotten the reason to live.
#Time to reflect
The only way to do this is to go far out from the city. I love to get back to my childhood memory because its where my dream startef, there where I find my joy and peace. My inner child seems to be alive when I smell the sea, trees, watching the birds fly..it feels as it was just like yesterday when I was in my childhood days. As if my grandparents were with me protecting me when I fell and hurt my hand. Its a beautiful childhood memory.
Get in touch with the nature, be bored doing nothing and just listen the surroundings. The nature gives great advice if you listen.
#The nature taught me
When I stop my mind from wandering and feel the moment. As I listen to the sound of waves that tell me to be brave as the feel of breeze comforts me. The sun shine above me touches my skin as it given me permission to cry and let go of my emotions. And at night I feel like the moon gives me blessing to do what my heart desire. Its beautiful to be in the moment.
Its just a great way to start another year, another chapter of our story and more lesson to learn.
Enjoy this video I made during my stay in a place call 9Huts in Kudat.
My parents just celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary last Saturday, 29 July 2017. While we, the family members preparing for the event, i myself busy preparing my mild autism asperger teen, in making sure he know what is going on and how to react on every situation.
After the celebration last Saturday, i should say its a success. I am happy the celebration has over but i am celebrating the achievement made by my son.
It bugs me when people tell me ‘biar saja‘ or ‘its okay, just let him be’. Maybe for work for other parents but not me, I don’t want my son to get too excited or too nervous which will lead to meltdown which will later regret and embarrassed him.
Autism especially asperger are no different from other typical kids, they too have feelings and dignity. They only need assistance and guidance in whatever they do.
Let me share what we did before the event last Saturday, probably this will help especially those with special needs child.
You will need at least 1 or two weeks to prepare especially if it’s a big event. Let him know what is the occasion about. When is it going to be held, how long and who are going to be there. Be specific and details as you can.
Most special needs has sensory problems so its good to prepare them using VAK (Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic) technique to get them fully understand.
Make it visual, as for my son i just tell him when and he will marked it on the calendar. I informed my son that there will be music and it might be loud sometimes. I also informed him that he can join any dance if he feels comfortable with, also reminded him that its okay if people look at him or laugh as it does not mean it meant for him.
You can show your child a picture of their cousins or a wedding picture with crowds just to give them ideas.
Look into their eyes when you speak in making sure your child know your child know you talking to her/him and it is important to listen. Your tone of voice and facial expression are important in sending them the message. You may need to be strict yet gentle at the same time.
Each day i reminded him about the event and keep on saying ‘I know you can do it’ and ‘remember to relax‘.
I let him know all his cousins and other people will be there and possibility of weather, noise etc. I told my son ..‘the venue might be long, weather might be warm, there will be music and it might be loud…but whatever it is you must relax’.
This is the fun part. We had a role-play of whats going to happened, for example how to interact with people. We did a role-play on how to react when someone come to him and how to introduce himself to others.
WHAT CAN AND CANNOT DO
I keep a reminder on what he can and cannot do. Some simple rules such as..if he is tired..uncomfortable he need to inform me or other family members..this to prevent meltdown. Shouting.. or any unnecessary action are prohibited in public..he may need to relax.
Remember they learn by rules and they will understand more if we keep on reminding..and it may become good habit.
ON THE BIG DAY
What happened on the big day was a success. My son introduced himself and was not ashamed. The moment there were music..he was dancing and when he hears his cousin sang he actually told me he wanted to sing..probably next time as he don’t really know what song to sing either. But he dance to every music beats..I was with him only at the first songs to make sure he feels comfortable..the rest is history.
I have been using essential oil for a year now and for those having sensory problems..such scents does helps but this does not heal autism. I believe certain essential oils such as vertiver and peace & calming does helps but make sure to apply at time there are ready and in a relax mood. Never apply essential oils when they are moody or having a meltdown.
THE GOOD AND BAD NEWS
Yes you just read our achievements ..isnt it good news? it takes 50% of all hardwork, commitment for the early preparations. 20% of the reminder, standby and commitment on that day, 10% of the essential oils scents that helps him keep calm and 20% of his own commitment, focus and self esteem. Bravo my son! We can do it..you can too.😊
Be remided that autism are just full of surprises..today i might succeed but tomorrow with many things that can triggers and things that of our control i might lose the battle.
Thats how it goes..just keep on sharing to others about autism and we will never feel alone and those with autism will feel accepted.
Always be ready with plans. If plan A does not work out..there will always other plans but never gives up.
Thanks for reading!
P/S – This is a sharing from my personal point of view as a mother and may not be right from the medical perspective. Every child with autism are different from each other..my tips may not work for others but there are no harm trying.
Are you content with your life? Or do you feel you never have enough and not good enough?
Many times I feel not having enough and wanting more. Also comparing myself to others and this makes me want to compete. My mind was rushing with too many ‘to do list’..but nothing unsettled and worries seems to be on the top list. This feelings makes me feel insecure…or in another words ‘sick’.
Looking back, i wasted my time and energy. Enough is enough! I had it..its time to take control of my life. I believe we can change whatever we want, however there are few things beyond our control that can’t be change.
Life is a beautiful journey! Embrace what comes in life, accept what ever challenges and appreciate even the little things. Having an attitude of gratitude makes life more meaningful.