What if i die….?

My children stayed overnight with their grandparents in a big house, bigger than ours of course and more space to play.  Since my parents are here, i thought its good to let them enjoy their holiday with their grandparents and forget about school, study, games, tv and just follow their grandparent’s adventure.  After first or second night, i have been calling her but she seems so happy, learning new things, new recipe from my mum and my mum even let her wash the dishes.  After third to fourth days, she have been calling me and the first time she speak on the phone with soft voice “mum, i misss you”, aaah i almost cry but i just said, only a few days more then she sound happy again.  After the fifth day, “mum, i want to go home”, only a few days more i said.. “nooo!!! i want to home..please!!”.  Okay, i said, its Saturday, i just finished my paper, you can asked your dad to pick you up after work. “yeaahhh!! ” sound excited and happy.

At home, while studying, i also eager to see her.  ‘tuuut tuut’! familiar alarm car.. must be them i said to myself.  I hide in one of the room when i heard footstep coming up, the sound of the key, sound of the door… then i heard my daughter “aaaah, home sweet home”!  She then say hello to her toys, furniture.. “muuummy, where are you?”..  i can see her eyes shine when we look at each other.. “aaaah i love your smell”, i said.  “Oh, this is shampoo, you like it?” the conversation continue, i can’t stop her from talking.. from how his brother don’t want to go home, what they do there and many many more.  Ya and she even asked me “so how is your exam”?

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We have so many things to talk about, sometimes i threat her like a young lady, so i decided to asked her one important yet silly question.  It was the two of us and i asked her,  “Chrissa, what if… (still thinking if its necessary to ask the question) and she look at me impatiently.  I continue “Chrissa, what if…. i die?” we both look at each other with a long pause and sadness.  I asked again “what if.. i die? would you be able to take care of your brother, i know you are his little sister but you the only one who understand him, if i die, would you teach or remind your dad about certain things?”  I continue, “if i die, you both stay at mama and bapa (my parents) ok”.

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No response from my 7 years old daughter, we just look at each other.  I tried hard to control my teary eyes and so does she..  she replied “muuum, you cannot die now, you have to wait until you sick and old, mama will die first”.  I explained to her that not everybody will die when they sick and old, sometimes young people also die, probably from sickness, accident or anything that cause heartbeat stop.

The room suddenly in silence.. “aaah! don’t think about it.. don’t talk about it again okay, lets share our dreams and happy story”… its hard to forget what i have asked her and how she react on my question though.

I don’t know but i think somehow it is necessary to ask because life is fragile and we don’t know what will happened.  But whatever happened, i know she is a tough girl and my only concern is my son.  Aaaah how can i be studid of asking and questioning God’s plan.

God plan for everything, only He knows when we die but i hope and pray my time will come after my children grow up and able to handle their own life… that is my prayer.

God bless all!  🙂

 

 

 

 

 

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