I am a strong woman.. that’s what i believe i am.. and how i make others believe. I am a person .. who are trusted in sharing their problems.. assist them in opening their mind on how to tackle their issues.. gives them strength .. yes! you can do it! With their smile..and ‘thank you’ from them makes me happy.. and feel appreciated..not sure if i had helped them much but at least i try. I am.. in their eyes.. a happy go lucky.. no problemo.. and a strong woman.
But at certain time i am so weak and needed another ‘me’..that strong woman who can give me courage and give me that words of wisdom.. and say.. ‘you can deal with this, Shirley’. .. but nobody is there.. and i probably too strong to be the person who needed help or a shoulder to cry on. I hate the ‘self-pity’ but at times we need it to allow ourselves to see our own weaknesses.
The only person who i needed most are too far to reach and can’t hear even if we blow trumpet in a marching band.. HE is too far away from everything but HE can be near to us. I want HIM near and i want to say everything to HIM.. so i kneel down.. and say nothing ..only silent. I don’t have to say anything..because God knows what happening. I just close my eyes.. and cry in silent.. nobody hear me..but GOD listen..the only way to listen to HIM is in silence, just allowing the moment with HIM, understanding our own weaknesses and letting HIM give the strength.
I am a strong woman.. i make others believe i am.. because i am a strong woman..with God’s help.
This mummy is so stress out.. and feel like crying. I was so angry with my son’s unacceptable attitude.. i tried everything to make him behave..instead of making him stop patiently.. i ended up pinching him.. terribly out of control. I just try to make him behave and i make it even worse.. he even said “mum, that’s hurts”.. i didn’t care. He ask me for a hug.. i decline because i was so angry. I leave him on the bed for a while.. when i came back..he was sleeping. How bad can it be, making my boy sleep in sadness and guilt. I stroke his hair.. talk to him while he was sleeping.. saying sorry to him.. telling him how good he is.
My son is a funny boy, loves games, hates school, very active, can’t focus.. some people don’t understand him.. he will react weird and funny in front of people sometimes.. people not only look at him.. but us, his parents… we are so used to the stares…the looks showing something like.. “didn’t you teach him” or “what is he doing” looks. It bothers me sometimes..but nowadays..i don’t really cares what people think or say. I teach my son.. my children.. ‘do the best you can..but if you cant just learn slowly’.
I was stress whenever relatives asked about my son.. why is he behaving like that? … but he is normal to me.. only a little hyper but he did not disturb other kids.. and he don’t really like joining them..but he still talks to them if he wants too… he is special to me.. it was tough to handle.. but along the way.. with lots of efforts..he can handle so many things on his own. I remind him everyday “you might be different but you are special in your own way.. just remember mum, dad and your sister will always loves you.. God loves you”
I will spend more time with him.. let him wear the superman suits..and make him fly..even in his dream.
I feel much better now..after i put this into writing.. this is the best therapy for my stress. I pray to God.. i promise God.. i give up things that i shouldn’t do.. for the sake of my children..especially my son. He is my Super Son, with a funny act, cute laugh.. and handsome looks. With God’s help and guidance i believe my son will learn to be wiser, focus and learn to understand whats happening.
You don’t have to apply for this job. The position as a ‘Mother’ will be yours once you have a child… the gift of life .. a mother will receive. The first pregnancy, you will ask opinion from everyone.. especially your mother. Making sure you take all the vitamins, exercise .. everything to make sure you will have a healthy baby. You will read more about pregnancy and confinement.
When the baby are born.. you don’t have any clue on what to do or how to do it.. you ask your friends.. and again you ask your mother. The first time.. of everything.. your baby do.. call you ‘mama’, the first steps, the first tooth.. the first time of everything .. you feel like sharing to the whole world..how proud you are. At the same time.. you read and learn everything about baby’s development.
But not everything is beautiful..as they grow older.. they will show their tantrum.. challenging your patients.. they be physically active.. makes you run around more, they will be talkative… makes you learn the skill of listening and giving the right answer to their questions. The first person you who understand how stress and tired you are.. is your mother… again you will ask her for advice. The same thing you will do… read.. learn.. research about how to handle tantrum, stress, toddler, kids.. you will get more reference.. from everywhere.. books, magazine.. internet.. attend courses about children, about parenting.. you get more knowledge.. and still learning.
As the your children grow up.. your duty and responsibility as a mother.. become more challenging..but you never give up. You want the best for your children.. you want them to do well academically and at the same time you teach them good value.. how to be a good human being. .. as how your mother taught you before.. but with the addition of what you read, learn and discover.
Motherhood.. sound so sweet and simple but the task are too much.. for a person. Not only you will a mother for your children.. you will also take care of your husband.
Now let me just give you the job description of being a mother :
you will have to prepare and learn to be a nurse, teacher, cleaner, motivator, driver, chef, housekeeping, cashier, banker, gardener, supervisor, referee (when your children fight), judge (when your children argue with each other), IT consultant (making sure what the surf is safe).. ooh and many more.
But not too worry.. by that time.. you are wiser.. smarter and more capable of handling things.. thanks to books, magazines, internet, friends and most of all.. your mother.
You will be surprise of how strong and smart you are when you join motherhood. Be blessed mothers and share your love to your mothers too. Enjoy Motherhood!