Wah.. i can’t believe it..its another 2 weeks to our trip to my husband’s hometown.. KL. I haven’t done any shopping for our family in KL yet.. haiya..not sure what to bring there… everytime i went back.. the little vase.. written ..‘sabah’.. is a must.. lol.. not this year.. but still thinking what to buy… think! think! think!… i will do the shopping next week.. for sure.
Its going to be a week in KL.. my husband had a few plan in mind.. the previous holidays we didn’t go out much.. children were still small.. hopefully this year its a real holiday besides visiting the family.. especially my father in law.
I have cousins and friends staying in KL.. i will put them in my planning schedule… other than what i have planned earlier… we are also planning to go to the Zoo .. i am sure my kids will love this.. and my brother in law agreed to take leave on of the days to go to Melaka with us and my father in law.. . Port Dickson are in the KIV list.. lol.. for sure there are no toll free on the road..
Whatever it is…. i am just hoping for a safe journey.. Amen.
I had a Shock of my life… which happened last Friday … As usual, once i parked my car, i will let one of my children out of the car and hold their hand.. i am always careful.. i never leave their sight and i always hold their hand.. my son know that i don’t trust him.. sometimes i hold his hand to tight.. he said ‘mummy that’s hurt’ .. i just said..‘sorry Sean i don’t trust you to walk alone’.. i know this disappoint him.. but i have too… i will only let them walk once their walking on the stairs because i can see them walking in front of me.
So this is what happened… i was opening the door for my daughter who were sitting at the back seat.. while looking at my son, at that time struggling to carry his bag from the passenger seat to the driver seat… at a sudden.. i only hear.. ‘mummy!‘…Sean was already running out of the car.. it happened so fast… i was panic… i shouted at him to come back.. by then i don’t hear or see him anymore.. he was so far away… i was already took the school bags out of the car… i was running carrying my daughter with the two bags and a shopping bag i have been carrying… i was panicked… i left my daughter and the school bags near a neighbor’s house.. i asked the maid to take care of my daughter… i was running but when i saw my daughter still standing there..nobody came out.. i ran back to get her… i was shouting so loud.. ‘Sean where are you? its not funny! come back!... i can hear my daughter’s voice tense calling his brother.. ‘. i can see people looking at us.. i was running like mad…
I was so scared when i don’t see him.. i was panicked.. i just hope there are no car at that time… i don’t want anything to happen.. i was scared… i even feel my body shivering.. when i heard his voice again.. ‘mummy!‘.. i saw him trying to run the other junction..i was ready to grab him but luckily he stop when he saw me.. i think he was scared too.. he did not realized that he ran that far from me…
I held his hand and told him that it is dangerous.. he was in tears.. and said he ‘understand’.. we walked back home.. i took the school bags i left near the neighbor’s house.. and i just realized the maid whom i used to know don’t work there anymore.. no wonder nobody replied when i asked for help. The car door i left wide open… i locked the door and went up straight to our house.. the ground floor neighbor seen what happened and took pity on me… i really feel like crying that day… sometimes people just drive they car like mad..especially that hour… but lucky not even a single car on that road..
At home.. i hug my son… and told him what was happening and why mummy are worried. Children… they understand what is wrong and what is right.. until they do it.. and we repeat whats wrong and whats right… I cannot remind him that everyday…i have to be extra careful… its not just a surplus to my duties…it is my responsibilities…….. i am just glad nothing happened… i believe the Angels have been protecting him that day and Angels watch over all the children in the world…everyday!
As a mother.. it is my duty to make sure my children listen to me.. and it is not easy to persuade them or to make them obey to you entirely… i always make my time to checkout information and ask Dr. Sears for guidance and the right techniques on handling children or teenagers….. don’t worry if you don’t have time to go there.. i will update you with articles that interest me and sure will help you parents out there… cheers!!
25 WAYS TO TALK SO YOUR CHILDREN WILL LISTEN
A major part of discipline is learning how to talk with children. The way you talk to your child teaches him how to talk to others. Here are some talking tips we have learned with our children:
1. Connect before you direct
Before giving your child directions, squat to your child’s eye level and engage your child in eye-to-eye contact to get his attention. Teach him how to focus: “Mary, I need your eyes.” “Billy, I need your ears.” Offer the same body language when listening to the child. Be sure not to make your eye contact so intense that your child perceives it as controlling rather than connecting.
2. Address the child
Open your request with the child’s name, “Lauren, will you please…”
3. Stay brief
We use the one-sentence rule: Put the main directive in the opening sentence. The longer you ramble, the more likely your child is to become parent-deaf. Too much talking is a very common mistake when dialoging about an issue. It gives the child the feeling that you’re not quite sure what it is you want to say. If she can keep you talking she can get you sidetracked.
4. Stay simple
Use short sentences with one-syllable words. Listen to how kids communicate with each other and take note. When your child shows that glazed, disinterested look, you are no longer being understood.
5. Ask your child to repeat the request back to you
If he can’t, it’s too long or too complicated.
6. Make an offer the child can’t refuse
You can reason with a two or three-year-old, especially to avoid power struggles. “Get dressed so you can go outside and play.” Offer a reason for your request that is to the child’s advantage, and one that is difficult to refuse. This gives her a reason to move out of her power position and do what you want her to do.
7. Be positive
Instead of “no running,” try: “Inside we walk, outside you may run.”
8. Begin your directives with “I want.”
Instead of “Get down,” say “I want you to get down.” Instead of “Let Becky have a turn,” say “I want you to let Becky have a turn now.” This works well with children who want to please but don’t like being ordered. By saying “I want,” you give a reason for compliance rather than just an order.
“When you get your teeth brushed, then we’ll begin the story.” “When your work is finished, then you can watch TV.” “When,” which implies that you expect obedience, works better than “if,” which suggests that the child has a choice when you don’t mean to give him one.
10. Legs first, mouth second
Instead of hollering, “Turn off the TV, it’s time for dinner!” walk into the room where your child is watching TV, join in with your child’s interests for a few minutes, and then, during a commercial break, have your child turn off the TV. Going to your child conveys you’re serious about your request; otherwise children interpret this as a mere preference.
11. Give choices
“Do you want to put your pajamas on or brush your teeth first?” “Red shirt or blue one?”
12. Speak developmentally correctly
The younger the child, the shorter and simpler your directives should be. Consider your child’s level of understanding. For example, a common error parents make is asking a three-year- old, “Why did you do that?” Most adults can’t always answer that question about their behavior. Try instead, “Let’s talk about what you did.”
13. Speak socially correctly
Even a two-year-old can learn “please.” Expect your child to be polite. Children shouldn’t feel manners are optional. Speak to your children the way you want them to speak to you.
14. Speak psychologically correctly
Threats and judgmental openers are likely to put the child on the defensive. “You” messages make a child clam up. “I” messages are non-accusing. Instead of “You’d better do this…” or “You must…,” try “I would like….” or “I am so pleased when you…” Instead of “You need to clear the table,” say “I need you to clear the table.” Don’t ask a leading question when a negative answer is not an option. “Will you please pick up your coat?” Just say, “Pick up your coat, please.”
15. Write it
Reminders can evolve into nagging so easily, especially for preteens who feel being told things puts them in the slave category. Without saying a word you can communicate anything you need said. Talk with a pad and pencil. Leave humorous notes for your child. Then sit back and watch it happen.
16. Talk the child down
The louder your child yells, the softer you respond. Let your child ventilate while you interject timely comments: “I understand” or “Can I help?” Sometimes just having a caring listener available will wind down the tantrum. If you come in at his level, you have two tantrums to deal with. Be the adult for him.
17. Settle the listener
Before giving your directive, restore emotional equilibrium, otherwise you are wasting your time. Nothing sinks in when a child is an emotional wreck.
18. Replay your message
Toddlers need to be told a thousand times. Children under two have difficulty internalizing your directives. Most three- year-olds begin to internalize directives so that what you ask begins to sink in. Do less and less repeating as your child gets older. Preteens regard repetition as nagging.
19. Let your child complete the thought
Instead of “Don’t leave your mess piled up,” try: “Matthew, think of where you want to store your soccer stuff.” Letting the child fill in the blanks is more likely to create a lasting lesson.
20. Use rhyme rules.
“If you hit, you must sit.” Get your child to repeat them.
21. Give likable alternatives
You can’t go by yourself to the park; but you can play in the neighbor’s yard.
22. Give advance notice
“We are leaving soon. Say bye-bye to the toys, bye-bye to the girls…”
23. Open up a closed child
Carefully chosen phrases open up closed little minds and mouths. Stick to topics that you know your child gets excited about. Ask questions that require more than a yes or no. Stick to specifics. Instead of “Did you have a good day at school today?” try “What is the most fun thing you did today?”
24. Use “When you…I feel…because…”
When you run away from mommy in the store I feel worried because you might get lost.
25. Close the discussion
If a matter is really closed to discussion, say so. “I’m not changing my mind about this. Sorry.” You’ll save wear and tear on both you and your child. Reserve your “I mean business” tone of voice for when you do.
Good luck parents!! Cheers!!